Overflow

This one is for Cerpts. Here's a nice pic of his latest Hollywood crush. Not bad at all.



One more with the wide lens.



Making sure we keep both factions happy, here's one of Lizzy, for me.

Week Three NFL Picks

Since I know there are so many people waiting for our picks for the week before they can do anything else this weekend, here they are:

Russ' Picks:

Atlanta - Buffalo - New England - Seattle - Denver his upset pick is Pittsburgh (which pisses me off a bit 'cause they are playing the Eagles but notice he isn't picking his cowgirls to win. Interesting!)

My Picks:

Buffalo - Giants - New England - Indianapolis (they have to win one sometime, don't they?) - Seattle (they have to win one sooner or later as well, right?) and my upset pick of the week is Arizona (I have no idea why they are even getting points this week, seems a little lopsided there.

Russ leads me by a point as we go into this weeks games. I was also told that I should add to this list that it is, of course, for entertainment purposes only. Got that?

Tootles!


MONDAY UPDATE MONDAY UPDATE MONDAY UPDATE

Russ gets four points to bring his total to 11 he had Atlanta, Buffalo, Seattle, and Denver right.

I got three points to equal 9 points. I got Buffalo, NY Giants, and Seattle right. I need a big week next week.

Week 2 NFL Picks

Here are the week 2 picks for me and Cheeks. Somebody has got to tell me how he got that name by the way. Cerpts I'm thinking you can fill in the missing years for me about the origin to that one!

my picks:

Giants - cause if the eagles can beat the Rams the Giants have to be able to

Seattle - they lost last week but they played in the remnants of Hannah

Arizona - Hopefully there is still some magic in Kurt Warner or at least enough to get them past the Dolphins this week. Miami has won 1 game in their last 20 I see a pattern there

Pittsburgh - My Super Bowl pick for the AFC now that Brady is out for the year

Dallas - My NFC pick for the bowl they are also my team and did I mention America's team and Jessica Simpson likes them too

My upset pick this week is Atlanta over Tampa.

Cheeks is picking:

Giants

Jacksonville

Seattle

Tampa

Pittsburgh

Hes picking his Eagles against my Boys as his upset pick. I admire his faith but laugh at his stupidity.

Have a good weekend.

MONDAY UPDATE

My winners this week so far (we still got the 'Boys and the Eagles tonight with four big points riding on it) were Giants, Arizona, and Pittsburgh to give me three points to add to last weeks three points to equal 6 points for the season.

Cheeks got the Giants, Tampa, and Pittsburgh right to give him three points also. We have a tie going into tonights game. I will either be up by one or he will be up by three. But with all that in mind I only have one thing to say: "HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS?"

The Lying Goracle

In Africa, drought continues for the sixth consecutive year. Gasp!
Record rainfall in parts of the U.S., Pakistan, and Japan causes some of the worst flooding in centuries. Oh No!
New England and all of Northern Europe have experienced their mildest winters ever on record. We Are So Screwed!

All of this was written in TIME Magazine, so it must be true, it just has to be the end of the world! The article goes on to say that all of this is the halmark for the beginning of the planet going into another ice age. Wait, ice age, huh? It’s all right there in the article from TIME Magazine and it’s dated: Monday, June 24, 1974. According to the article fossil fuel emissions were causing us to go into another ice age. Now, 30 years later, the same fossil fuel emissions are doing the exact opposite? WTF?

Thankfully, we can make up for our global transgressions by “going green”. The new way of cashing in on the populaces “Eco guilt”. We are all supposed to think that we are somehow to blame for messing up the planet. Maybe we are, I’m not saying we’re not. There’s some evidence that we are, but there is just as much that says we’re not. Even if we are what do we do about it? And whatever we come up with to do, will it even work?

The EPA, these days, should stand for Egregiously Pushy Assholes, as every day we are bombarded by warnings that the polar caps are melting, rivers are drying up, and polar bears are dying. All these “Eco Avengers” have made the green movement huge. These hypocrites are the same people that drive their SUV’s all around the planet going from one rally to the next trying to make me feel guilty! Let’s talk about the great, important, and awe inspiring job that is being done by the “American Hero” Mr. Al Gore. Al Gore has told us, through a highly exaggerated power point slide show, that our planet is in the middle of an “environmental emergency” called global warming. Oh, really?

John Coleman, the man who founded the Weather Channel (not the internet) and was also the original weather man on Good Morning America and is a meteorologist of the highest respect disagrees. Mr. Coleman states that global warming is "a fictional, manufactured crisis, and a total scam.". In 2008 he gave a speech before the San Diego Chamber of Commerce, blaming the "global warming scam" and environmentalist lobby, for rising gas and food prices. He also declared the scam "a threat to our economy and our civilization.". According to Coleman, the fluctuations in our global temperature are not caused by fossil fuel emissions but rather by the actual trends of solar activity. The change in temperature and of our climate is in direct correlation with the core temperature of the sun. Nothing at all to do with the use of hydrocarbons. The problem with this statement is there is no money to be made from the cause of global warming being the sun. Now who the hell does this Weather Channel guy think he is? Al Gore has to be right. He won an Oscar for Christ’s sake and he was given the Nobel Peace Prize. Wait, why was he awarded the Nobel Peace Prize? I guess that prophesizing doom is supposed to be peaceful?

Counselors and therapists are now making thousands of dollars on people who suffer from “Eco Anxiety”. Ever since the green movement took off these people have been popping up all over the planet trying to alleviate our guilt for doing things we believe are killing the planet. In case you are wondering if you have it, check out the symptoms; stomach ache, headache, feelings of nervousness but not knowing why, inattention or an inability to focus or concentrate. Even the Psychiatric Board of America, who are usually pretty goddamn goofy themselves, fail to recognize these symptoms or accept “Eco Anxiety” as a real diagnosis. That doesn’t stop these counselors from selling their treatments. The treatment, of course, does nothing for these “Eco Eeyores” but reinforce their green guilt.

Have you heard of the term “carbon footprint”? A carbon footprint is the amount of carbon dioxide or CO2 we produce. Unlike Cheeks, most of us are good and don’t want to destroy the world with their gases. So how can we be sure we are not flooding Mother Earth with our carbon? Shorter showers, lowering the thermostat in the winter, and wearing our clothes twice before we wash them. Done! Done! And Done! Shit, I guess I’m in the clear. In truth, 97% of all carbon is caused naturally and only 3% is actually man made. So what is the biggest natural causes? How about decaying plant matter, volcanoes, and forest fires. So I guess if Smokey the Bear was doing his frigging job and we banned volcanoes and decaying plant matter we’d all be in the clear. If all of this doesn’t put your mind at ease about how much carbon is in your footprint, how about buying some “carbon credits”?

Now what the hell is a carbon credit? A carbon credit is basically a voluntary guilt fine you can pay as another way of easing your troubled mind. In the late middle ages the Catholic church needed cash. They sent out official representatives to the masses called professional pardoners to speak to the sinners (read: everybody). These professional pardoners told the sinners that for a bit of cash their sins would be forgiven. No penance and no purgatory. Of course the bigger the sin, the bigger the fine. These fines were called “indulgences”. Suffer eternal agony or give up the fun of all those sins? You need a “get out of hell free card” and you get one if you pay the fun tax. But they sure were not free. These sin taxes were a huge money maker until Martin Luther came along in the 1500’s and cried “Bullshitteth”. What all this means is you offset your carbon usage with a carbon credit which is reinvested in renewable energy. Things like solar energy, wind power, and reforestation. None of the way that carbon credits are figured out is based on actual scientific method or formula. For that matter there is no standard of practice or oversight for how the money is actually used. Basically put, this all means that anyone could make up a web site and take money for these carbon credits and then use it for whatever they wanted. Nobody would really be that low would they? So is that what this bizarre hokey pokey is really all about? Not really saving the planet, just feeling less guilty.

Let’s get back to Al Gore, I didn’t forget about this douche bag. How is Al doing at walking the walk? According to public records, Al Gore uses about 20 times more electricity that the average American. In 2007 Gore’s twenty(yeah, 20) room mansion used over 191,000 kilowatts of electricity as opposed to the average American, who uses about 11,000 kilowatts. In one month the “heroic” Al Gore uses the amount most people use in 17 months. Looks like Al isn’t as worried as he says WE should be. Al Gore doesn’t even deny this fact. He is currently installing solar panels and changing his incandescent light bulbs with fluorescents. Wow, what a fucking martyr. Hold on while I wipe the stardust out of my eyes. Look, there was a tear there too. All of this Al Gore does and he also buys carbon credits to make up for it. But wait a minute, remember what I said about carbon credits and the web sites you can buy them from?

Al Gore started the company, Generation Investment Management, the company that owns the web site Al buys his carbon credits from. Holy shit, can this be true? He started the company in 2004. Two years before his Oscar winning little movie. So Al pays himself for his carbon credits. I wonder if everyone else that uses his web site to buy their carbon credits helped pay for the solar panels on his mansion? How’s that for an inconvenient truth? None of that really matters though because the true believers are the environmentalists. To them their beliefs are like a religion and if it’s like a religion then Al must really be a profit. Oh, sorry, prophet.

If you still feel guilty about your daily impact on the planet, send me twenty bucks that I can use in the Western Windmill Fund in Walla Walla Washington that we are going to use to power all of the adult diagnostic clinic there where people who have sexually abused emus and other large flightless birds are being rehabilitated so they can readjust and be sent back into the population.

Now give me a hug and start up the SUV I am so hitting the Starbucks!

Inappropriate Kid's Slide

I want one! And the music is priceless!!

Monday Morning Quarterback

UPDATE

Here's our weekly update on the NFL season competition between Russ and I.

My picks and my score:
New England got past the Chiefs (without Tom Brady who might be out for the year with a knee injury. Sorry fantasy leaguers who had Brady. Too bad!)
The Eagles friggin' destroyed the Rams as I predicted.
San Diego and Indy went tits up and lost as well as my upset pick of the Browns.
I did rebound with picking Pittsburgh who beat the Texans almost as bad as the Eagles beat the Rams.

I got 3 points.

Russ' picks and score:
Russ also gets points from his New England and Philly picks.
He got bumpkiss with his San Diego and Indy picks like me. His upset pick of the Texans also did diddly.
Unfortunately he picked Dallas to beat the Browns.

Russ also gets 3 points. We got a tie after one week. Ooohhh, the tension mounts!

"Are You Ready For Some Football?"

Well if it's September, it must be time for school bells to ring, leaves to fall, and of course FOOTBALL bitch. Me and Russ or hey some decorum goddamn it, Russ and I have decided to have a head up football pick competition. No asswipe fantasy league, I don't have time for that geeky ass shit. Suicide pool wouldn't work, there's only two of us here, so we give you each week six picks from around the NFL and one of the picks will be our upset special. Here's my picks:

I have the Patriots pounding Kansas City, the Eagles flying high over the Rams, San Diego putting a charge into the Carolina Panthers, Indianapolis riding the Bears hard and putting them away wet, and Pittsburgh will drill the Texans. My upset pick: I'm hoping the Cowboys begin this season with a loss just like they ended last season by getting their blue star turned BROWN by the Cleveland Browns! Try not to cry too hard over that one T.O.

Now, those are my picks and here's my partner in crimes picks:

Russ is taking New England, Philly, Dallas, San Diego, and Indy, with his upset pick being Houston over the Steelers.

There we go we agree on most of all our picks except the Dallas game and the Steelers game. We get a point for each one we get right and we get 3 points for our upset picks. There is no penalty for being wrong but when Dallas looses, I'm going to rip Russ. Cause he deserves it (he's a Dallas fan by the way!)

Have a great football Sunday evr'ybody!

To refrigerate or not to refrigerate? That is the question.

So just about everybody I know has a bottle of Ketchup (or Catsup if you're weird) in their homes. If it's not open it is definitely in the cabinet or in the pantry or someplace in the home similar to that. If it's an open bottle whoa boy, now we got ourselves a problem. Some people upon opening the bottle of the red dipping sauce will refrigerate the remaining supply. I do not. After it's open it goes right back into the cabinet. I have been over people's houses having dinner and asked if they had any ketchup and they go to get it and low and behold it's in the goddamn icebox. A nice hot piece of meatloaf and now I gotta dip it into cold ketchup. WTF? I don't want cold ketchup I want room temperature ketchup! Is it supposed to be refrigerated? No where on the bottle does it say "Refrigerate after opening" like most products say. But today I opened a new bottle of ketchup (Heinz) and on the label it says "convenient fridge shaped bottle". Well do I have to put it in the fridge or not? This is going to keep me up at night. I don't want to be eating rancid ketchup (I haven't had a problem in the past, at least I don't believe I have) but I don't want cold ketchup either. What do I do? I investigated, that's what I did, here's what I found out.

According to the Department of Food Science at the Cornell Cooperative Extension in New York ketchup should be refrigerated after being opened. Despite the acidic ingredients in ketchup it is not sufficiently acidic to kill bacteria and microorganisms, including mold, that may be introduced to the containers after opening. Refrigeration does not kill bacteria and microorganisms either, but does slow the growth. Refrigerated, ketchup should keep for up to 6 months. One of the other things I found out during this investigation is that even peanut frigging' butter is supposed to be put in the fridge after it's opened. I don't do that either. Shit how did I live this long? There is one loop hole. If the bottle is open and not refrigerated it will apparently keep for up to a month. Most restaurants, who by the way are not required to refrigerate their ketchup bottle after they open them by the board of health usually go through a bottle of ketchup within a week. I know what a bad bottle of ketchup looks like and smells like. All you have to have happen is one bottle to pop and overflow nasty vinegar smelling rotten ketchup on you to know if the ketchup is good or not. Guess I'll just keep taking my chances.


Fuck bacteria.

Fink's Mom - The Blog Post

The Taming of the Goat



So I'm at work today and I had to make a phone call to the Malvern Office and I had to speak to someone named Judy Fink. So in the middle of the conversation I connect the last name of the woman I am talking to to someone that Cerpts works with and also a fellow blogger over at Finks Mom The Blog (see links list for the blog). Here is how the conversation sort of went:

Me - Hey I just realized your last name is Fink. Do you have a son in his mid twenties?

Ms. Fink - Yes I do, why do you know him?

Me - Well I might. I don't know.

Ms. Fink - What's your friends first name?

Me - (after a few second pause when I realized I don't know Fink's first name cause I know him as Fink!) Actually I don't know his first name I only know him as Fink. But my friend works with him and we go to his blog all the time.

Ms. Fink - Oh, he has a blog? What's the name of the blog? Maybe I'll have to check it out.

Me - (after realizing I know his blog as "Fink's Mom The Blog" and that Fink supposedly doesn't like his mom very much, and maybe I shouldn't tell this woman all of this regardless if she is Fink's mom or not!) You know what, I don't really know what it's called I just click a link and go there. But he really likes Dave Matthews does your son like Dave Matthews?

Ms. Fink - You don't know his name and you don't know the title of the blog but you say you know my son? I don't think you know my son. (she sounded a little mean at the end there!)

Me - Just the same last name I guess, maybe he's not your son. Sorry, I didn't mean to get side tracked.

To which the conversation went back to the original purpose of my phone call in the first place and it occurred to me after the phone call, that; no I don't know Fink's first name, it might be Mike, but he's Fink, that's how I know him. Quite possibly this was Fink's mom and now I know why he doesn't like her, she seemed kinda bitchy to me. You can't make this kind of shit up!

I yell because I care

Let's get some things clear. I have no idea what the hell I am doing, that is something everyone reading this blog should know ahead of time. "Jesus Saves, Allah Protects and Cthulu thinks you would make a great sandwich" is the title of the blog. Nameyourowndamnblog.com is the URL or web address or whatever it's called. The URL I have had for some time now but didn't have a blog title until about a week ago. That's a goddamn cute ass cat by the way. Now as for you Cheekiness, I don't know if I even know how to tweak the colors on the blog. I'm going to try but I have no idea what the hell is going to actually happen. And why can't you change them? You're supposed to be a co-moderator. Maybe we should have put you first on the blog and me as a contributing author. Who gives a crap, we're not impressing anybody anyway. Hey I just figured out how to change my post color.

"What are you gonna do beam us up?"

A while back, when I only had one blog, Cerpts over at the Land of Cerpts and Honey tagged me to list my top ten favorite movies of all time. Which, as he points out, is hard to do. This is the list that at the time I made it are my top ten films. Ask me next week and it might be different. They are not in order of 1 - 10 just how I thought of them and wrote about them.




It’s A Wonderful Life - Some say Miracle on 34Th Street or A Christmas Carol is the ultimate Christmas film. For me it’s the 1946 classic directed by Frank Capra starring James Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore, and Henry Travers as Clarence the Guardian Angel. Although it was nominated for five Oscars it managed to win none of them. It is, however, on the list of AFI’s 100 top movies ever made, as well as being declared the number one inspirational movie of all time.




Braveheart - The film won five Academy Awards including best picture and best director for Mel Gibson who directed and produced the historic epic. It helped to revive the historical genre and was soon followed by Gladiator, The Patriot, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven, Alexander, 300, and Mongol. The movie itself may be short on history and heavy on the action adventure but it is still a moving portrayal of one mans search for freedom of his people. The movie is art directed heavy (the paint on his face matches his eyes so well) and at three hours the movie doesn’t need to be any longer but some things do feel hurried. Nonetheless, the movie does at times flow by like a soft lullaby which is beautifully filmed. Even if you are getting hit in the head with rocks at the same time.




Reservoir Dogs - Quentin Tarantino’s 1992 debut film. The ultimate “guy” movie. The ensemble cast including Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madson, Chris Penn, and Steve Buschemi are all perfect in their roles. Tarantino also makes a small cameo appearance in the film aside from being writer and director. Sometimes called the greatest independent film ever made, the film incorporates all the things Tarantino would later become famous for: violent crime, pop culture references, memorable dialogue peppered with lots of profanity, and the non linear storyline. Unlike most people that saw this film after Pulp Fiction became such a big hit, I saw it shortly after it was released and spoke the praises of it long before Vincent Vega wore the black suit.



The Breakfast Club - The definitive 80’s teen film directed by John Hughes that would influence many coming of age films to follow. Possibly, if I was to see this movie for the first time now when I am in my forties it wouldn’t mean much to me. Seeing as how I was in high school when he movie came out it was a big influence on my teen years. Especially for someone like me who fit in several different categories back in high school, so I was able to see the story from two different points of view aside from the actors. The movie was shot in two months time and fully in sequence from beginning to end. The members of the cast are from the “Brat Pack” that was made up of Hollywood teens and 20 some-things were brilliantly cast. I don’t think there is a person alive under the age of 70 that couldn’t relate to at least one of the characters in the film which makes it all that much more believable. Is it perfect? Far from it. But a classic 80’s teen movie that teaches why it’s wrong to stereotype and that friends can come from where and when you least expect them.




The Usual Suspects - When writer Christopher McQuarrie first came up with the idea for the movie he thought it would be neat to see five criminals meet in a police line-up. The vision, he thought, would make a great movie poster. He was sort of right. The poster is pretty good but the movie is awesome. A modern day crime noir that has been said to have everything but Humphrey Bogart. Kevin Spacey, who won the Oscar for best supporting actor is incredible as “Verbal” Kint, the small town con with a limp. The rest of the actors are stellar as well including Kevin Pollak, Gabriel Byrne, Steven Baldwin, and Benicio Del Toro round out the rest of the five criminals. Chazz Palminteri is equally good as the investigating customs agent assigned to the case that tries to answer one question: Who is Keyser Soze?




Goodfellas - The mafia movie that spans three decades was nominated for six Academy Awards winning one by Joe Pesci for best supporting actor who doesn‘t seem to ever really be acting because he is Tommy DeVito! The two and half hour film flies by and when the time the credits start rolling you can finally relax. The film which is on AFI’s top 100 movies of all time, to me, is Scorsese‘s best piece of work. You can have your Godfather, which I also like but for me the mafia movie I want on my list is this one. Now, you gotta problem wid dat?



Pulp Fiction - The second film by writer and director Tarantino received seven Academy Awards nominations but was only able to win one for best screenplay. The film nearly single-handedly revitalized the career of John Travolta. The cast is smart and their chemistry sometimes make the movie hard to believe you are watching a movie and not looking right into the lives of the people you see on the screen. Slightly less violent than Reservoir Dogs but laced with just as much profanity, Pulp Fiction is one of the more recent films to create a cultural watershed where it’s influence has been felt in several other popular media. It is also on the AFI’s top 100 movies of all time list if it being on my top ten isn’t enough for you.



Field of Dreams - Burt Lancaster’s last film appearance is not a movie about baseball. Nominated for four Oscars, the movie is really about finding your dreams, whatever they may be and overcoming your regrets and doubts. If the movie was made in the 40’s you know Frank Capra would have directed it. Possibly James Stewart would have played the Kevin Costner role of Ray Kinsella as well. This one comes right from the heart and it still makes me cry every time I see it and I just love a movie that can do that.




St. Elmo’s Fire - The other 1985 coming of age story this time directed by Joel Schumacher. Another of the “Brat Pack” movies starring Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, and Demi Moore. Instead of high school, it’s college that they are all coming of age into. That last sentence didn’t make sense but it doesn’t have to. The film shows that even college graduates are sometimes afraid to “just let go” in order to grow up and mature. I guess you can call this one my guilty pleasure movie.




Se7en - The murder mystery film starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt who are both incredible and who both should have gotten at least an Oscar nomination, is named for the ways in which the murders are committed. One murder for each of the seven deadly sins and ass you can guess “Gluttony” is pretty ugly in this one. It also stars Kevin Spacey (unbilled, surprisingly enough) as the murderer known only as John Doe. The film has a brooding dark look that fits well with the story. The unnamed city is disturbing and dirty and after watching it you have to wonder where the line between the movie and our world blurs and it makes you question just what kind of a world do we really live in.